It starts in my shoulders I think. I am not really aware of it, but it's just suddenly there. Taking hold of me. The Shiver. A cold eerie feeling that I can't control. The Shiver spreads to my nek and arms, and runs down my spine to my legs. I can't move. My stomach is moving though, but not in a happy way.
Now, I have been on stage many times as a singer, artist, speaker, yet still when I have to stand in front of a crowd for the first time, The Shiver presents itself. It can be a new topic that I have to present, a new group that I don't know so well, or perhaps I have been sloppy in my preparations which is giving me the creeps. I simply don't feel confident.
"My memory is reviewing other failures from the past."
A movie trailer of mistakes and possible failures passes by. The "what ifs" and possible negative outcomes are like cheerleaders on the playing field supporting The Shiver in it's conquest of my body. If you know my story about the Path of Limitation , you can come to the conclusion I am not regarding the situation from a perspective of possibility, but rather that of limitation. My memory is reviewing other failures from the past.
This is all very useful of course! It is simply my instinct trying help me to survive, to locate possible performance risks of where I might fail and avoid them for success and survival. In a prehistoric scene that would work well, pinpointing dangers, because failure could lead to my death. But in my current situation it's not quite useful. In fact, my thoughts of survival are confidence blockers and limit my leadership in taking action.
"My thoughts of survival are confidence blockers and limit my leadership in taking action."
As a leader of my own life I can still be afraid. It doesn't mean I can't take action. It requires hope, optimism, and other positive emotions that help me to take a perspective of possibility. It's a matter of shifting your mindset. Thinking how fruitful collaboration with others might help me, thinking back of successful experiences in the past and relying on my own personal strengths. Truly knowing where your strengths lie already gives a huge boost to your confidence and trigger the leader inside.
In order to give space to my strengths, I need to be in control of my limiting beliefs and confidence blockers. The "what ifs", the inner critic and perfectionist that talk to me when I need to perform. And the internalized desires & expectations from my social surrounding that can cloud my personal desire. Things like: "What if they don't like it?" or "I shouldn't forget anything, did I check it all properly?".
The moment I am actively using my strengths I get in the flow, a rush of energy. It is then that also feel shivers, different ones though. At those moments I am in the zone, feeling fully confident and energized with what I am doing.
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