Blog Post

Know what is driving you

All your small choices, your daily decisions, are driven by your internal compass. All your emotional reactions, what you agree with, object to and the people you relate with. They are all framed by what you value most and what you consider important in life.

Many people I meet aren't fully aware of their compass. Of the values they carry inside and determine many of their daily reactions to their surrounding. The more you are aware and aligned with your values, the more you will feel in control of yourself, your reactions to your surrounding, but also you will feel more at peace. Cause you will be able to choose more wisely and coherent with yourself.


knowing your values enables you to choose more wisely


WHAT VALUES DO YOU HAVE?

frustratated woman at work

1. Make a list of everything that makes you emotional: things that upset or frustrate you, things that make you resist, get angry, or really sad. Write as many things down as possible.


2. Then you try to see what value is triggered. Something inside you that you feel is important. Whatever you described at point 1, it is triggering a value inside you that you find important and that produces the emotion.


For example, you hate it when people come late:

  • your value could be precision when you are convinced we all should do things in a right manner.
  • or maybe it is punctuality, since it is important to you that things happen in and on time.
  • or perhaps it is respect, for you consider it disrespectful to make others wait.

As you can see, one annoyance or frustration can hold different kinds of values. So it's up to you to feel which word resonates most with your emotion.


Here is a list of values you can use as inspiration. Try to come up with a list of 3-5 values, that are linked to the emotions you have described.


HOW TO USE YOUR VALUES

Now you have a list of values, you can consider how to use them.


  1. Familiarise yourself with them. Use 3-4 weeks to become aware of how your values resonate in the conversations you have, the choices you make and how you react to situations.
  2. Reflect on the bigger emotional outbursts. Analyse what happens inside you and in your surrounding. Because these outbursts mean your values aren't honoured. Now that can happen for a short time, but on the long run, being in an environment that doesn't honour and respect your values, it is going to drain you of energy, frustrate and anger you and can lead to health problems.
  3. Find the right job. Don't go for any job, double check that there is an environment in which you and your values will flourish. Before an interview, think of 2-3 questions related to your values that you can ask to assess how your values will be given space in the working environment.
  4. Accept people with other values. Your friends, your family, you co-workers or strangers. We all have led different lives with different examples in our upbringing. We cannot enforce our values onto others, but we can remain aware of our own values and the ones others might carry, and respect and honour them both. Even when they are in conflict.


contact me if you need help discovering your values

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